Psephomancy (psephomant) wrote in esoteric_space,

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penny for your thoughts

I'm a bridge burner truth be told just walking down a path, don't know whether I chose it or it chose me. none of that really matters however because no matter the chooser the walker must walk. and so I do and when I cross brdige I burn the ropes, leaving one of two and hoping that those will last. hope to god those will last. and i think that sometime in the future, when i'm older, maybe with a streak of grey in my hair, maybe colored dark i'll look back on those bridges and wonderwhy i did what I did. i'll look back and think, whatever happened to that sweet gentleman i knew so long ago. the one that would talk for hours like he owned the world and then continue on to show that it wasn't the world that he own but that it owned him and it was crashing. i'll look back and wonder what happened to him, where he is now. and maybe i'll flip through a plasticene phone book, looking for a name and find it. find the number and memorize it for the future. pick up the phone in my little self built tower and begin to dial then hang up and forget for a few more years. i build myself this tower as if i am rapunzel living in it. a princess not in truth but perhaps in mind. with shorn hair and nothing but a little pink phone on a desk to connect me to the outside world. and in a way i like it like that. i like the silence and when it becomes oppressive i'll pick up thereceiver on that little phone and dial out. perhaps to actually speak to another person or perhaps just for the satisfaction of hearing another voice and hanging up. never saying a word but glad to know that there is something else out there even if I ca'n t make the jum pt oreach it. i wait in that tower, knowing not what for because i know better than to think there's a prince on the way, with his white horse and a my little pony lunchbox with cookies and a thermos full of koolaid to save me. i wait by that little phone, staring at it, picking up thhe receiver, setting it down and forgetting why i picked it up in the first place. i think sometimes i just wait for it to ring. because why should i do all the dialing. i want to cnnect with someone but i don't want to do the connecting myself. bringbringbring is all i need. a voice on the other end that actually tried to reach me, even if it is jusyt a wrong number. like ap rincess in a cage. a cage of ice and snow. and when it's al over when my hair is greying more and more and i have a horde of children that i teach things to, that are not my children but just the same a respectless as any real mother's children would be i'll think back on that phone , brush the cobwebs off it and maybe, just maybe, remember that number i found so long ago. those memorized digits and dial...since that phone never rings anyway. or maybe it does and i'm just not aware enough to hear it...
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